Accepting&Expecting

So the title is Accepting and Expecting...
I named this blog post this because I am having to accept what has happened.
I have to accept that:
A. My Nana is in the hospital for the rest of her life.
B. I will NOT be getting my Nana back.
C. My Nana will never be the same.
and.. I am coming to terms with that.. It's hard.. but I am.

Now for the expecting..
I am expecting a lot of hard times ahead.
Among these hard times are:
A. I won't have my Nana for much longer.
B. She'll eventually be bed-ridden.

So, now that were talking about nursing homes and hospitals.. I visited my Nana the other day.
When I walked in, I didnt recognize her..
She was all crouched over in her chair, hair in a mess, and she didnt have her glasses on...
I seriously did not know that was her..
It scared me..
She could barely hold her eyes open.
She could barely speak a sentence that made any sense..
She could barely walk..
the good news is, this is the best she's been.
and to be honest, that scared me even more.

That's all for now..
thanks,
Makenzie

My nana-Just like me?

Hey everyone,

The other day when I last did a post update, I received a message from one of my Nana's friends from high school. She went on to tell me many things I had no clue about my Nana.. One of them was how my Nana competed in Miss Sylacauga when she was my age (15 or 16).. She told me how she shined onstage, and how she was so excited to compete..
I started thinking..
That's just how I am today..
The only difference is that she sang and danced to Honey Bun from South Pacific (WOW I would've LOVED to watch her do that.. haha) I wouldve never had the courage to do that.. (you see, I don't sing too often in front of crowds... hahaha!)
I wish she was here for me to talk to about these things..
here's a link to the song Honey Bun (for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about.. lol)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYEdezKgbrk
check it out..

Update on my Nana.. Well.. She's permanately in the nursing home.. She does'nt really know anyone.. The nurses say she is doing okay though.. so i guess that's good news.. We will see..

thanks for reading you guys.. talk to you soon!
Makenzie :)

Sorry For the Wait..

Hey everyone..
bad news.
My Nana has now been put into the hospital... she has to be under complete care right now, and that's just something that is not possible..

I wonder..
what is it like to have Alzheimer's? I mean really.. I don't want the scientific definition.. I want it to be on the personal side.. the emotional side.. the loving and caring side..
What do these 5 million americans living with Alzheimer's deal with daily? What do they see.. What do they feel.. what is it like?
What is it like to look at the love of your life and see a stranger?
What is it like to walk into a room, then immediately want to leave, but can't escape from the room?
What is it like to lose your most precious memories?
What is it like to not be able to bathe, use the restroom, get dressed, and other things we all perform daily..
Most importantly.. WHY? WHY does this disease exist? WHY does it affect so many? WHY did it affect my family?

I promise to be back with more posts soon..
I need to think.. and rest.. but most importantly, study!
--Makenzie